5.3

May. 3rd, 2024 02:22 am
securitron: (Default)
Recently I have been trying to take time to focus on myself and making myself happy. I had taken a short break from journaling because I figured focusing on the negative and writing it out would only make me spiral more. I think I'm well enough to return to it though. The consequences of my actions are bitter. Of course when I'm an asshole to somebody, they're going to get upset back. However I tend to be impulsive in that regard...? I just don't think through what I say sometimes.

I always try to make a mental note to never trust what I think past 9 PM or so. It's better to sleep on things than to, like I said, act impulsively.

The weather is noticeably becoming warmer and warmer and the fuzziness in my head grows stronger and stronger. A while ago I had drawn a comic based on the transition between spring and summer, and how the change in weather tends to fuck with my emotions. The external feeling of warm air makes me feel nauseous and I can't handle the constant reminders it gives me. I tend to associate things that have happened to me with the weather it occurred with, and this is the exact shit that makes me feel nothing but dread.

On a brighter note, I've been okay regardless of the change in weather. I have been getting back into CFMOT with the recent symbolar update video. I've been waiting for so long for more symbolar content. I couldn't be happier!

Now that April is done and over, I think it's time to focus on the positive. April was such a bleak and horrible month for me. Constant sickness, mental issues arising, whatever it may be. I have hope for May. Please... don't fail me now.

4.29

Apr. 29th, 2024 11:17 pm
securitron: (Default)
Today was pretty rough. I don't think I can go much into it, but it was just a bad day! I feel so isolated. It really, really sucks. I'm surrounded by people yet I don't feel any sort of connection. I fear as though I'm on the brink of snapping.

I don't have much of an update besides my venting. I didn't do much today. I got back into the hang of drawing though...? Perhaps I'll attach some of my drawings in my posts.

smiling friends
petrigrof
petrigrof

Been wanting to draw the cast of Smiling Friends for a very long time... I love that show. I've been rewatching it nonstop and it never gets old for me.

And of course my daily petrigrof drawings. I've always felt so sappy about them and maybe I'll work up the courage to post my more embarrassing stuff. I draw them literally every single day. I feel as though I have to draw them every single day or else I did myself a disservice.

The two most recent drawings of them though, I've been thinking a lot about if apocalypse Simon and Magic Betty met and interacted. Basically, imagine their codependency now but tenfold. Both of them completely mad with the loss of the other and suddenly presented with that solace again, but something's different (they're fucking insane and violent and won't stop at anything to protect each other). Opens the window for so many drawing and fic opportunities I DONT EVEN CARE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Last thing I drew today was a quick WIP animatic of Airy to Watching the Wheels by John Lennon. The animatic is a bit boring unfortunately. I'll be adding more to it soon so hopefully it's better to watch after some tweaking and editing. This was an incredibly rough draft anyways.

4.24

Apr. 24th, 2024 04:35 pm
securitron: (Default)
Last night was easily one of the worst nights of my life. I was so, so sick it made it impossible for me to function or sleep. I'm feeling better now after finally being able to sleep but I still feel incredibly weak. Ever since my dad renovated the kitchen, it has been impossible to find anything. Changed the cabinets and where everything is kept. I haven't eaten all day. I had woken up around 10 or so with Happiness is a Warm Gun by the Beatles stuck in my head for some reason.

I talked to my brother a bit today about Kenny vs Spenny and that was nice. I've been binge watching the show recently and it's just so fucking funny. I had seen quite a few episodes a while back but never the full series. I'd like to bootleg it on DVD one day, along with the commentaries.

Speaking of bootlegging, I would also like to press Pre-Matador Car Seat Headrest albums on vinyl soon. It's a dream of mine to own Monomania and How to Leave Town physically.

Profile

securitron: (Default)
securitron

May 2024

S M T W T F S
   12 34
56 78910 11
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728 293031 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 14th, 2025 02:27 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios